Maybe it's just me...

1. I cannot wake up in the morning and immediately jump on the phone. I live with an aunt whom I secretely suspect is afraid of silences. She always has to talk about something or someone with somebody. I find I gossip more when I am around her and I don't like it. it gives me a headache (believe ot or not) and I always feel like I have done something wrong. As someone who has done alot of wrongful talking in her life, I am trying to practice the Laws of Silence; where I speak unless i absolutely have to and the utmost truth at that.

2. I don't like alot of light. People think I put off lights to save on the electric bill but it's just that I like shadows. In the shadows, you cannot see my face clearly and thus you cannot tell exactly what I am thinking. And in the shadows, I can conjur up images of my perfect place and immerse myself in it. With the lights on, the glaring realities of my environment are sometimes too much to bear.

3. I love easily, I hurt easily, I forgive easily but I do not forget.

4. I don't bear grudges...for long. It is physically and emotionally exhausting for me to dislike people.

5. I speak my mind and can be blunt and in some instances, tactless. I just want you to know what to expect from me...to some extent.

6. I have a phobia of smells. I have started using men's cologne because it is stronger. i brush after every meal and chew minty gum so much, I fear I might have damaged my enamels. i just fear that people will say that I am smelling and no one will tell me and yet everyone will talk about it. I have an aunt with horrible bad breath, even after she had brushed and I try not to sit too close to her.

7. I love food. It's almost disgusting. I can be mad depressed and once I eat, I feel better. Food is my comfort. My weight blows up and down. I fluctuate from an 8 to a 4 from time to time. I am trying to find other ways to channel my frustrations or to calm my worries. Blogging has been one of such ways.

8. My greatest fear is failure. Failure to build what I dream. I calm myself by telling myself that "God would not have gifted you with the ability to dream and think the way you do, only so that you can desire a certain accomplishment all your life". Sometimes, that helps to calm me and when that doesn't work, I pray. And when that doesn't work, I eat.

9. I watch all sorts of things on television. From porn to foreign films. I have always loved tv.

10. I crush on guys alot and almost as quickly, i loose interest.

11. I wouldn't call myself beautiful. And I never have. I maintain however that there are two basic types of girls. Those that compete in the beauty pageants and those that produce and direct the show. I am the director. My beauty is in my mind, my thoughts, words and actions.

12. I love my butt. It was the one thing I always loved about myself. Though, its size fluctuates based on my weight.

13. I am going to be a great in three fields: Architecture, Film/Theatre and Fashion. I know it and I believe it.

14. I have never had a "real" boyfriend. Sometimes, i don't like it but most times I am okay about it. As I get older though, I fear I might not be able to function in a relationship as I am so used to doing things for and by myself. I have always had problems sharing. Not material things. But myself or my life. The things that matter most to me, I keep to myself. Thus, very few people really know me.

15. People have told me that I am funny. I sometimes fear they laugh "at" me and not "with" me.