Saturday, April 28, 2007

So, i woke up way too early today to attend a luncheon organised and sponsore by LINKS. An women's only organisation. Imagine AKA meets church group. I mean white tights and ankle length skirts, huge corsages and a choice of either coiffed or wind blown hair.

As I was saying...because myself and the two girls representing the international student body at the university did not have cars we had to hitch a ride with one of then organisation's members who had to be there about two hours before the event itself had to begin.

We arrive and the three of us are nearly paralysed to realise that the average age in the room is between 55 and 60. And also, they had not yet set up so we found ourselves having to help out. Hoisting foldable chairs in four inch hills is not an experience I want to repeat.
Plus we stood out something bad...the three of us: One trinidadian in a halter dress and fuck-me pumps, the other in a i-go-to-church-but-only-to-see-if-I-can-jump-the-pastor's-bones kinda dress and finally moi in a green and black ensemble complete with gele reminiscent of a candidate for Ovation's middle pages.

then the maintenance guys were trying to hit on all three of us at the same time; like I am just hot to jump in bed with someone whose stomach puts an eight month pregancy to shame. YummieAnyways, two hours and fifty times introducing myself (talking slowly and saying my name, school, major and country) later the event starts.

Students from two other colleges in the district have arrived and so we have brought down the age average to about 45. Was no mean fit too. If we had been short even as little as two people, we would not have made it.

The highlight of the event was not the ear drum splitting Nigerian opera singer in her mismatched blue lace (with silver detail) and bright orange Aso Oke...No, it was the talk given by the guest speaker, Faida Mitifu; Ambassador The Democratic Republic of Congo.

She spoke so eloquently on her country, its past and what it aspired for the future. What it had gone through under a 20 year long dictatorship and the ensuing wars it had to suffer to free itself; what it meant that 86% of eligible voters participated in the past election to intstall the current president after factions had been torn apart.

I was even more shamed when she talked about what women in the Congo had endured as victims of the war: suffering physical and horrendous sexual abuse at the hands of various militia and I had only been minutes before thinking about where I was going to get the money to get another pair of shoes. Anyways, the event was quite nice and enlightening.

Trust Americans and their fear of fire, salt and pepper. the meat had pink in it. I looked at it and gasped out loud. The chef pleased at my "obvious" delight at his masterpiece smiles and tells me "It is medium rare lamb chops.

I smiled and slowly moved forward towards the sweet rolls. If man was supposed to eat raw animals, we would still be living next door to brother lion and sister leopard and fire would be an aspiration.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Where I found myself online
I really cannot tell you how I got to this lady's website. All I know was that I had somehow begun reading abput life in Dubai. A place to which I am trying to organize a year long study abroad programme.
It is amazing to me how all the laws out there benefit the man and inhibit the woman and if someone there tells me a story abour Adam and Eve, I will slap you. that is just to show u that Adam was a mugu. Just chopping everything handed to him. Luckily the first one to learn how to read and write started to put things in order to ensure that his muguness did not land him in too much trouble.
For all that did...look at the world today

Tuesday, April 24, 2007


So I got a call today about getting my laptop fixed. Missed the call and called the guy back. Then came the call from DELL from tech support which is apparently in India. You know that your company is the shit when your customer service reps are in another country and English is their second language.

So, I was trying to find out if it was the same guy i had initially spoken to and to whom I had been unneccessarily rude so that I could apologise when before I knew it, I was embroildered in a conversation of one of my guilty pleasures: BOLLYWOOD. I found myself talking for almost ten minutes with this guy whose name I don't know, swapping critics of films I had seen.

The next thing, the desi asks if he can log into my computer from India ( they can apparently do that so they can fix whatever is wrong). Idiot (me) too replied yes, thinking that since the initial conversation had begun about a fault with the computer, then that was what he was trying to get back to.

He then asks me if I had pictures of myself on my laptop.....ALARM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I clumsily warded him off using the excuse that as a design student, most of the pictures on my laptop would be of my projects and scanned floor plans. This guy tells me that he will check me out on FACEBOOK.

So, guys, if you do not hear from me it is because I have been kidnapped and taken to Bangalore/Calcutta/New Delhi/ Mumbai or wherever the desi is residing.

Lesson: No unnecessary conversations to people you do not know. i guess I was uncharacteristically (hope that is the correct spelling) in need of a conversation.

Till next time, NAMASTE

Monday, April 23, 2007

My laptop and I

My laptop and I began our relationship in 2005. We have been through so much together over the past two years and he has put up with alot from me. He has borne the burden of running at least four cad softwares at the same time. Stayed up 48 hrs straight with me and apart from a few hiccups and colds, my baby has stood by me.

Last month, despite contracting an inhibiting virus and being in need of a transfusion, my baby limped along and worked with me to produce my project.
Today, my baby has gone deaf. His speakers are out and even when I connect headphones to him, there is no sound because the connection's grip is cracked. What have I done to my baby? I know I have fallen asleep and spilled glue all over his keys, slapped the monitor all the way backwards, dropped the bag in which he is carried, downloaded unspeakable images and videos unto his memory (and probably scarred him for life), listened to the same song over and over and over (and I mean song not songs), neglected him when I had no homework, shut him down abruptly because I was impatient with his speed of response but now I am so lonely without him.
Well he is fully functional oh (don't let me sepe for myself and he will kukuma pack up and refuse to work...he has done that before; and I need him. Have finals meeen) but he cannot speak to me and I cannot hear him.
Thus, in design class today, I had no choice but to listen to the sounds of the world around me. Sounds that previously, I would have blocked out with my pilot style Bose headphones.
I was wondering why I was having a headache and then I realised that instead of listening to Ali Angel croon to me in french (which I do not speak) or Minmi
perform in Japanese ( also cannot speak but I will learn if it means I get to jump Ken Watanabe's
bones); I was listening to my classmates singing out loud in many tones and pitches that resembled nothing of what the original songs were.
So, I am lonely and waiting for the DELL tech guy (who is apparently based in INDIA) to send out a tech dispatch to someone in the states to come and fix my laptop.
Till then, my sweet, we can only see we cannot speak.
They should sha hurry up.

Friday, April 20, 2007

check this out

And like Ms Funmi Iyanda I am now addicted to the Bella Naija Blog:
I usually post about three to four in rapid succession. Because that is when I have the time.
Enjoy and if you are Nigerian, bask in the online talents of your many Nigerian brethren who are using the internet to express themselves and release their thought into the universe

Nigerians why?

Why do they keep doing this?
Are they even aware that the men and women orchestrating these riots and murders care for no one other themselves?
Has money become the new cancer eating and festering amongst us as a people?
What are we supposed to learn from this, Oh God?

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am in Bollywood Mourning.





REGARD MON BEAU HOMMME....(or something like that)

Monday, April 2, 2007

being broke

i am so scared of running out of money.
I need someone to explain to me why the american government says foreign students cannot work off campus while in school. I really do because I quite sure that i am not stealing any jobs from americans. most of them do not want to work anyways.
what am i going to do?
i need money fast

Sunday, April 1, 2007


I am so in love with the series, it's unbelievable.
I have always preferred british soaps and Shed Productions, has never failed me with their productions. I was nearly disowned by my mother because I was basically useless around the house when Bad Girls was on and now, ladies and gentlemen, I have found a new obsession: FOOTBALLERS WIVES.
Where can I start. Let's just say that as usual America has realised once again that it really does not have the capacityh to produce good old fashioned soap series that it is now going to make a spin off of the show and probably milk it to death. Look at American Idol and you will see what I mean. But I say, I do not care which actresses they put, no one can take the place of Tanya Turner (Zoe Lucker) or Sal Biagi( Daniel Schutzmann) I am so in love with the latter that I am even fantasizing about dating an italian( which he isn't actually) even though I have heard countless times that they are quite racist.
I have season one on DVD and two and three are on their way if only my vendor will speed things up.
I am waiting to see the mess the american version is going to make. Why can't you guys make an original idea that has not been rehashed to pieces? Ehn?