Thursday, July 26, 2007

THE DAY CATWALQ WAS CREATED....

GOD FLICKS HIS WAND... ( in the Nigerian Part of heaven)

CATWALQ: (GASPING) WOW, WHERE AM I?

ANGEL INSPECTOR: well u r at the manufacturing facility. u just got made. here is your spare-parts sheet. As you receive your parts and functions, u get the dispatcher to tick them off. oya,come down.

CATWALQ: (ACCEPTS THE PAPER AND CLIMBS OUT OF THE POD)

SIX OR SEVEN HOURS LATER (TOWARDS THE END OF THE WORKING DAY)

CATWALQ: (WALKING ABOUT, COMPLETELY BLOWN AWAY) wow, oh my God...look at that...and that...and that... wow. my goodness. wonder what that is...hello, bye, excuse me...wow...

SOME RANDOM SOULS LIKE THIS: Hello, what is ur name.

CATWALQ: catwalq. what are yours?

RANDOM SOUL 1: random soul 1

SOUL II: random soul II. where u just made?

CATWALQ: no oo, i was made this morning (notices an exchanged glance) why, what is it?

SOUL II: why r you incomplete? are your parts made to order?

CATWALQ: what do u mean?

RS1: look around. u notice anything?

CATWALQ: (LOOKS AROUND. REALISES SOMETHING IS AMISS) everyone looks different. what is going on?

RS1: u were supposed to make the rounds at the departments and collect your things. What do u have tamped on your paper?

SOUL II: what were u told that the paper floating around your head was for?

CATWALQ: Oh gosh, I completely forgot...

SOUL II: (RETRIEVING PAPER) mm-hmn, obviously. all she has is speech. no brain, no limbs, no eyes...nothing (TO RS1) am even surprised she has not fallen into a ditch all day.

RS1: (TO CATWALQ) where have u been? what were u doing? what were u thinking?

SOUL II: I must say that that last question is quite daft considering her brain item is not ticked...

RS1: shut up!

CATWALQ: (STARTS TO CRY...NO TEARS COME...NO GLANDS). what am I going to do? what is going to happen to me.

SOUL II: I guess, u can be one of the cleaners here...shucks. u need limbs for that.

RS1: Soul, waka far, right now....

SOUL II: (walks away chuckling)

RS1: (LOOKING AT THE PAPER): let's see. where r u being sent to?

CATWALQ: (HICCUPPING) I think to Yorubaland by way of Benin.

RS1: it says here that u r going to be a girl, so let's first make sure that u have those parts covered.

AT THE HEIGHT AND FORM DEPARTMENT

HEIGHT ANGEL: ah, sorry o. i just gave the last few inches to that one going. If u can come back tomorrow, maybe they would have brought a new batch of clay.

RS1: what about all these ones in the basket?

HEIGHT ANGEL: abi, u wan put me for trouble. no be d same place dem dey go. na d one wey remainder from since more-reen, na im dey dere. see dis yansh, as e big so, the leg wey co carry am don finish. see this hand, look am, u see sey the colour na one kain. i don tell u say i don finish d one for toh-day. if una come tomorrow, i fit find proper one for u.
when dem say make u comot?

CATWALQ: this night.

HA: abi, dem give u something chop? where u bin dey since more-reen?

RS1: no mind am o. as im collect im voice, na tori im knack till im waka go d other side. na for brain department we just dey commot since. dey even don pack commot for office.

HA: na wah o. oya, make I look my supplies. I fit get weting I go combine, make im face no kill im mama when e land.

(they burst into laughter)

CATWALQ: are u mocking me? I have a feeling that I am being ridiculed.

HA: shuo. na oyinbo pikin?

RS1: no o, dem just talk say, im go go school.

HA: dosgbe. I don see like five hundred today wey go go school. na so all of them dey knack English for here. One of them even vex me sef, na im make me wan keep im left leg. I con remember my former oga wey try am one time, na devil shit in dey take hand carry.

RS1: o ti o

HA: oya, Cattie-qwal, abi wetin be ur name?

RS1: (TO CATWALQ) he is talking to you

HA: leave am. im battery neva charge complete. e go slow for some time. oya take. manage this one. I no tink say u go too tall. but as u be woman, u go take koko shoe correct am.

To be continued.



22 comments:

diary of a G said...

i was here


popedid the cherry

geisha said...

lol wonder where you're going with this?

Mr.Fineboy said...

LOL...too funny. "battery never charge..." You're hilarious...looking 4ward to the rest of the series...

Atutupoyoyo said...

Catwalq ma pa mi o!!

This was extremely funny and imaginative. I was actually laughing at loud.

I had no idea that the part of heaven you were created is identical to a Nigerian ministry, complete with absentee landlord.

Can't wait for the next instalment.

Olamild said...

nice nice nice

TaureanMinx said...

Lol, sounds like HARRISON POTTERGINI to me lol.

catwalq said...

A NEW SERIES LAUNCHED ON MY BLOG!!!
CATWALQ INTERNATIONAL ACADEMIE HAS ARRIVED.
CHECK IT OUT ON MY BLOG.

Anu boy said...

okay, i see u r taking over, uhmm nice job oh, i de feel all ya post oh,,,,,

linda ikeji said...

ok...found this amusing...nice!

Olamild said...

I think I will start stalking pple's blog in order to be first....9ja soap opera.. i dey enjoi am

Sparkle said...

lol
another good one

Kpakpando said...

nne i di too much, i like it.

Anonymous said...

funnny. Luv dis!
@TaureanMinx ' harrison pottergini" hahhahhahah

Calabar Gal said...

LOL!!

The experiences of an achiever....... said...

lol! cattie..qwal u're hilarious!

2ndCorin5:17 said...

lol!!! Please complete it, its sooo FUNNY!

Tayo said...

LOL!!! Na wa o Catwalq, you're so funny. It's been a while I've been here and you wan make me start dey regret? Keep it up girl.

30+ said...

Catwalq you have just confirmed yourself...too mush lomo

Manda said...

lol@ complete dis abeg! you funny o!

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